I’m Evicting My Crazy Tenants For A Better Life

Here’s a pathetic little fact for you: being a landlord has zero day-to-day perks. Or at least, I literally cannot think of a single one!

So we, as landlords, have to do what we can to make it bearable, even if only by a little, and so be it, if that entails serving notice for repossession to a tenant that does more harm than good.

Life is definitely too short.

Mind you, not short enough to refrain from spending hours upon hours moaning about life on a highly underachieving landlord blog, but certainly too short to endure the droning dribbles of a tenant that irritates the hell out of you.

I quickly learned an important lesson when I first became a landlord, and it’s a lesson that completely transformed the way I operate as a landlord today. I learned that some tenants have the ability to create woes during and out of office hours (where they have no business being), and drag us down with worries and frustrations.

If those feelings continue for long, there’s only one honourable approach to take, get rid!

Don’t ride out the storm, don’t pray and hope things will improve, just bite the bullet and take proactive steps to positively improve YOUR life. You’ll feel so much better for it.

I receive emails from distressed tenants/landlords pouring their hearts out to me all the time (I have no idea why, I’m not exactly agony aunt material), and 9 times out of 10 I have very little sympathy because they have done absolutely nothing to help themselves. Emailing me doesn’t count; that’s not useful or positive, that’s just wasting everyone’s time.

Let me dive into my archives and dig out an example. I’ll be right back.

…… …. … .. .

Ok, I’m back. Here’s an example;

When tenants/landlords don’t help themselves

I received an email a few months ago from an overly exhausted guy who has been, I quote, “living in hell” for 2 years with his children because his landlord has failed to keep the property in working order, and as a consequence, his mental health has deteriorated.

WHAT? You tolerated that for 2 years, and now you’ve suddenly decided to email a landlord blogger that would rather dedicate his time procrastinating on adultfriendfinder.com than donating time to worthy causes? Surely that constitutes as self-harm?

In the past, I’ve had tenants that physically made my internal organs want to implode. Not necessarily because they fell into arrears, but mainly because they were through-and-through scumbags.

I can deal with arrears to a certain degree, but I refuse to deal with rude people that are too lazy/stupid to show some common courtesy and resolve problems the right way.

Why I’m evicting my crazy tenants to improve my life

After a frustrating and painful 6 months, I’ve decided to serve my tenants, a family of three, with a section 21 notice.

I know I’ll feel infinitely better once they crawl out of my life and crawl back under the cheesy foreskin they emerged from, because I won’t have to deal with their petulant shit anymore.

They’re not in arrears, money isn’t the issue, but they come with other pathological demons that have reduced me into the lifeless, frail creature, which you see before your very eyes.

Well, if they’re not in arrears, why serve them? At least they’re paying rent!

It’s not just about the money. It’s about having a business relationship with people that I can physically tolerate, without being drowned by wet-dreams that consist of decapitating them with a butter knife and digesting their mushy brains like beef stew. It’s about dealing with positive people that respect and understand common courtesy.

So, why exactly am I evicting them? Simply;

1. Regularly late on paying rent They’ve been tenants for 6 months and they have yet to pay rent on time. Not a single fucking time! Late… every month! Like clockwork!

Not only have they chalked up an impressive rate, averaging of being 2-3 weeks late, but they have also become accustomed to paying in dribs and drabs e.g. they’ll pay £100 one week, and £50 the following. Their payment pattern is inconsistent and volatile.

It’s horrible to deal with.

1. Failing to meet payment terms and conditions When they initially signed the Tenancy Agreement they agreed to setup a direct debit. It was written in black and white, clear as day. It was even a requirement on the advert they responded to.

It never happened.

They alternatively opted for the agonisingly slow method of physically going to the bank to deposit cash over the counter… in dribs and drabs. Now one of their favourite excuses for late payments is, wait for it, it’s a bloody classic… “I didn’t have a chance to pop to the bank” Brilliant.

Someone pass me a glock.

1. Pathological liars I’m pretty sure they can be clinically diagnosed as pathological liars, not to mention other things, like idiots, parasites and under evolved chimps. But I digress.

Whenever I enquire about any arrears, they always insist they’re going to pay on said day, but it NEVER happens. That’s probably one of my biggest pet-peeves! They can never manage my expectations because they always feed me bullshit.

What they fail to understand (because they’re idiots) is that I’ll be a lot more understanding and accepting if they gave me realistic dates that they can honour, even if that means having to wait a little longer. It’s the blatant bullshit that makes the situation a living hell.

1. Communication is dire! Communicating with them is hard work, it’s probably one of the most undesirable things to do on this planet (and believe me, I’ve done a lot of nasty shit).

I’ve tried to keep my phone-time with the fools to a minimum because talking to them is excruciating. I remember the last time they were close to one month in arrears, his excuse was, “everything costs money, I have so much to pay out for. Nothing is for free in life, nothing”… that was his point.

Right, ok?

Thanks for absolutely nothing, besides from the worst justification for anything, EVER!

1. Lack of courtesy They don’t even bother informing me they’re going to be late on paying rent. Even the lowest of low scum-bag tenants shell-out on basic incoherent text messages. Sure, they may say, “You ain’t getting rent this month. I know my rights” – but at least they have the courtesy to inform a brother.

My tenants don’t even do that; they didn’t even do it out of courtesy the few first months they were late.

Straight off the bat, no hesitation or embarrassment whatsoever, they created a cute little game of cat and mouse, where I constantly have to chase for rent. The worrying thing is, I’m pretty sure that if I don’t chase them, they won’t bother paying at all.

Having to actively chase the same tenants for rent every damn month is probably one of the most frustrating aspects of being a landlord.

1. They live in a dream world They have a serious misconception of reality!

It would be comical if I wasn’t at the mercy of their dream world, but I am, so unfortunately it’s not funny at all! I wouldn’t be surprised at all if they have a voodoo doll of me pinned above their fireplace, stuffed with rusty needles.

They actually get shirty with me, like I’m doing something wrong, when I chase arrears. All their correspondents have a real sharp edge about them. And sarcasm. The pompous-arse pricks love being sarcastic. It’s not good/funny sarcasm either.

Why do tenants get shitty with landlords when they chase arrears? I’ve never understood that. In my opinion, it says a lot about a tenant’s character when they react like that.

1. Poor/rude communication skills They have a pathetic response rate.

I often have to text them twice in the space of 4 days just for them to respond. Why should it take 4 days and 2 text messages to get a response? You’d think it’s because they’re avoiding rent, right? Wrong. They even delay when it’s going to benefit them.

I tried to arrange a Gas Safety Inspection with them a few weeks ago; getting them to confirm a suitable day/time was heartbreaking. I wanted to cry. It’s almost like they didn’t value their lives.

Of course, I need to be careful with “over communicating”, because these arseholes are the type of people that will play the victim and counter sue for harassment! *yawn*

1. Solvable problems they refuse to solve After continuous delays, lies and futile attempts of misdirection, they always end up paying- that much is consistent. So it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that if they managed their cash-flow (even if it meant struggling for a month or so), they could resolve all these problems. But they don’t.

I’m not sure whether they a) feel like they shouldn’t have to struggle, so don’t b) don’t think it’s worth struggling for the sake of paying rent on time c) are completely oblivious to the situation (I wouldn’t put it past the idiots) d) love winding me up (I wouldn’t put this one past the idiots either)!

It’s unbelievably frustrating.

I was raised to pay my debts first, and then live off the leftovers. If you live within your means, it generally shouldn’t be a problem.

1. They’re landlords… Here’s the final “kill me now” fact: these ass-wipes actually “rent-to-let”

Yes, the sadistic fucks’ are also landlords. I’m not joking.

I could probably add a few more trivial points, but I don’t think I need to…

I just want to clarify again, it’s not about the money. They always end up paying; it’s about their whole demeanour and how they approach/handle the situation. I don’t want to have to deal with people like that. If I allow people like that to walk around in my life, then I’m to blame for my own misery.

I’ve had enough. They’re out.

My only advice to everyone, whether you’re a tenant, landlord, or whatever… always pro-actively better your life. We can all do that, albeit with small or big changes. We’re in control.

Incidentally, some random woman I follow on Twitter just Tweeted this horrifically cliché, soppy mess:

Probably slightly more elegant than anything I could ever conjure up, but she summed up my point.

Good night! x